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Lol ok so I'm nervous as shit right now typing this. My back is starting to hurt from how tense I feel but I would like to just get straight to things and apologize for literally starting this then never coming back without saying anything. I do keep up with social media but I've avoided my blog because basically talking about my feelings makes me uncomfortable & I honestly would have not been myself. Growing up I didn't really have anyone who I could just really trust & vent to without being judged or passed on to another person. However, since 2019 started life has literally taken a 360 for me. Since my last blog post Id like to say that I'm probably not even the same person I was since then. Which is insane because people normally think that it takes years for people to change, in my case I feel like everything that has impacted my life since then was enough for me to take action in that same moment. Since the year has started I have been trying to be consistent with self care, Ive been learning to deal with situations better, how to understand & relate to others more & mainly do what makes me happy. It has honestly been a crazy experience unlike I've ever felt before & its pretty much the feeling of knowing that you've passed that hard stage in your life & you're just starting to get a taste of what life is really about. To just appreciate, laugh, cry, pray, & live in the moment more <3


So what led me to decide that today should be the day I come back & write again? Last night almost 1 am I was working on an email & I was distracted by one of my social media & was looking at old posts that I for some reason never bothered to really go back and check. I completely avoid my past because at some point ill admit I was very ashamed of myself. I know I said and did some things. Now that I look back, mentally really I was in a bad place not even realizing how much I was harming myself and others.I became disgusted by these posts & just couldn't believe I would even allow to express myself in that way so confidently. It was honestly just another eye opener this year that just needed to happen. It made me happy to know confidently that I don't even come close to that person anymore. So with that said I would again like to apologize to myself and to any of the people who I have hurt with my words or actions that may have made you change the way you feel about me. I know a lot of you don't know me but for those who did get to know me more personally, know that I am a good person, I just did & said some very stupid shit that I know I could never take back. I understand if some don't care for my apology but I would still like to express how I feel. If you remember me by this person, then you no longer know who I really am.



Lastly, I would like to really thank the people who still continue to support me & that gave me a second chance to just be at peace with each other, not even as friends but just to say that we know were cool means a lot. I don't like to hold or have people hold grudges on me. I would much rather love to be that person in someones life that is a blessing. I really hope those who keep up with me continue to, I know this post may not have given you all the "tea" about my life. I wanted to share a small little moment that was very personal to me but that can show others that you don't have to settle for a shitty mentality or life. Do not let others words or actions persuade you into thinking you should be the same way. If it feels wrong to you its completely fine you will not miss out on anything you didn't agree with in your heart the first place. Please love yourselves, nobody will ever love or care or listen to you better than you. You will never be happy if you don't take care of your mind and heart first.




Ana




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